A Chic Paris Lockdown – Day 5 – What is Sexy?

 April 24, 2020

“Get Your Sexy Back” is Day 5 in Fiona Ferris’s book, 30 More Chic Days. How do we go through our normal lives as adults of whatever age, taking care of whatever daily responsibilities that we have and keep the grim specter of “dowdiness” from sneaking in our door? Dowdiness is not only just a few pieces of overly “frumpy+comfort=frumpfort” (from Day 1) clothes. Translation: “shapeless, baggy, faded, stretched-out elastic waistbands, worn thin spots and a few small holes”. Maybe even a petit stain here and there? The type of clothes that we might throw on without thinking, yet if we see of photo of us wearing them, it’s an “Eek! I look 20 pounds (10 kg) heavier and 20 years older!!” moment. Dowdiness, most importantly, is a feeling – a sense that our essential inner self has become a match to those worn-out “frumpy-dumpy”, “dowdy” clothes.

Fiona proposes a common-sense approach to getting our groove back. She studied a Victoria’s Secret catalog image that she particularly admired and culled a list of adjectives that spoke “sexy” to her. She wanted to create that feeling for herself in her daily life.

I went through a similar process several years ago but not in as organized and well-thought out process as Fiona did. Last night when I read this Day, I created a list of adjectives  (like Fiona did) to describe what I meant by the word sexy.

Inner Feeling: Appreciation & confidence for/in my body

Outer Behavior: flirting with my sweetheart, playfulness, laughter, physical strength, well-rested

Appearance: gorgeous & comfortable lingerie, stylish, chic, slightly curve-conscious clothing.

Note: I agree with Fiona that the appearance-related terms: “sexy” and “trashy” are totally different.

It goes without saying for all of us chic and elegant readers, there are no clothes in our closet (that we plan to wear out of the privacy of our own bedrooms) for which we would say “yes” to Clinton Kelly’s question, “Is this a good outfit for a hooker?” He goes to explain in his hilarious and useful book, Freakin’ Fabulous On A Budget, “You really want to make sure that you’re not participating in any trend that a hooker might look at and say, “Now that’s gonna get me some more customers!”

Let’s break this down to the details of my personal here & now (everyone is going to have their own taste for what is comfortable and appropriate. What feels right for me may feel very uncomfortable for someone else as well as uncomfortable in different climates):

Inner Feeling:

1. Appreciation. I definitely have a soul-deep appreciation for the gift of my healthy body. I have weathered several life storms (including breast cancer) which have taught me a deep respect for my body’s magic of healing and resilience.
2. Confidence – as in am I confident of my physical condition (how muscle-y (or not), how in shape (or not)?)  Eh, not so much. I’m not a gym-goer or weight lifter. My idea of strength training is doing push-ups while my coffee in heating in the microwave. I am a champion walker though not as fast a walker as I used to be. (It’s now the end of the 6th week of Paris’s lockdown. Any health benefit that I might have derived from walking is now long-gone since I barely make 10,000 steps a day.) The final thing that makes me feel a lack of confidence in my physical state is that lower tummy muscle bulge that can sometimes result from pregnancy.  It never quite tightened back up to pre-baby days.

Outer Behavior:  This all depends on how much sleep I get! I’m sad to say that any playful, fun, flirty energy that I might have flies right out the window if I’m tired. I try to be pretty vigilant about my sleep routine (as long as I don’t start a good book near bedtime!)

Outer Appearance: I’m okay with my weight. I’m okay with my general build. I love beautiful lingerie so I have the gorgeous and comfortable lingerie part down cold.  It took some trial-and-error and an insane disregard for money but I found a brand that suits me. (Bradelis of New York – bradelisnewyork.com) See photo. The frumpy-dowdy disasters in my closet? This part was the easiest for me to implement several years ago. I just followed Fiona’s advice and got rid of anything remotely “frump-table” (most items were so tired they were not even good to be cut up for rags. What had I been thinking?!) I do have a challenge in that my idea of “non-frumpy” is a bit too “covered up” for modern popular culture. I like turtlenecks. I like tailored. I like skirts and dresses (just at or 1 inch (2.5 cm) above knee-length.) I prefer “skinny” trousers to wide-leg trousers. The concept of (minimal) cleavage is only considered in the context of dinner out with my sweetheart. Short-shorts? Eek – No! “Athleisure” wear? No.  Clingy yoga pants (outside of yoga class)? Over my cold, dead body,

Given these reflections, I choose 2 things to try as a result of reading this chapter:

1. Work on the body confidence.  I will add planks and side-to-side planks to my day. My daughter volunteered to do them with me so I have an accountability buddy. She tacked them onto pre-meal-times as a habit anchor (3 times a day? One advantage of being in lockdown, I guess. What else have I to do with my time for the next several weeks or months?) The part of pinning the new activity to an already existing habit is crucial for me. If I don’t “schedule” a new habit, I forget all about it. (This is a great tip from Gretchen Rubins book, Better Than Before.)

2. Something fun: remember that I’m not just my sweetheart’s spouse – I’m his girlfriend. Look and act it.

What are some of your thoughts of finding “sexy”?