A Chic Paris Lockdown – Day 18 – Integration In The Third Act
May 7, 2020
Day 18 is “Embrace Your Inner Bombshell” in Fiona Ferris’s book, 30 More Chic Days. Fiona writes about discovering a part of herself that she had hidden away – the Bombshell. She had been uncomfortable with her “bombshell” traits such as loving tacky television shows, being opinionated, preferring girly-girl surroundings and talking too much when excited about a topic. These felt “too much of a muchness” to her, especially considering that she also loved all topics about French chic, neutral colors and classical music. These genuine but differing tastes couldn’t go together, could they? Happily for Fiona, she found a word to describe her secret self – the “bombshell”. By naming her more ebullient side, she is much more comfortable accepting and integrating both of these seemingly contradictory parts of her personality – the exuberent and the elegant.
This is a thought-provoking chapter. Fiona brings up a fascinating subject – who are we, really – if we look at all parts of ourselves? By a certain point in our lives, we have been shaped by our culture, our times and our experiences as we mature into (supposedly) independent adults. I know that in my case, I gave lots of attention and training to those traits that allowed me to find & keep work and support myself. As my responsibilities in life increased, so did my attention and focus on developing and refining those characteristics and skills that supported those responsibilities. The sides of me that I might have expressed freely in childhood but had no formal utility in adulthood (like getting lost in a book or a daydream, spending hours doodling or creating whole mental sci-fi/fantasy worlds) were kept in the back of the bus. They only were allowed to come out to play occasionally maybe on the weekend. Dreaminess and punctuality can sometimes oppose each other. And punctuality keeps the job and helps get the promotion. There were bills to pay and 401K accounts to fund. Expenses to track, graduate degrees to pursue.
Then there comes the time when the 401K account is funded. The house is paid off. Whatever title needed to be on the resume is there or not. And that other side of us, that took a backseat all those years ago, can see a bit more daylight. If we can even remember it! That is the challenge of our third act. To keep growing, of course, but in a direction that looks to those set-aside parts of ourselves.
The term “the third act” comes from Chris Crowly and Harry Lodge’s book, Younger Next Year. Chris writes of life’s third act as that time when childhood (the first act) and the active career/supporting oneself/taking care of the family (the second act) is complete or almost complete. Chris and Harry focus on how we can make the third act as engaging, healthy and fun as is possible. Part of the fun is exploring new and/or old interests. Dust the mothballs off of those characteristics that we felt we had to put away so that we could focus on the real-time requirements of life in the second act. (Chris and Harry have a lot more to say about physical & mental health in our third act – I review it here in more detail. Their book is terrific and hilarious.)
Fiona brings a new perspective on how to integrate all sides of our personality into a healthy whole. I’ll be thinking more deeply on this topic in the upcoming days.
