A Chic Paris Holiday Season – Day 17 – Christmas Day Conversation Rehearsal
December 19, 2020
In A Chic and Simple Christmas, Fiona Ferris discusses how she mentally prepares for her Christmas day events. She writes that when she mentally “practices” for the day, she is able to relax and enjoy it even more. One way to “practice” is to lay out one’s outfit several days before (and make sure everything is in good condition.) Another way is to visualize how you want to behave in different social events. No matter how wonderful it is to gather with loved ones, there is always one or two participants who will say or do something that tests our “calm and chic” resolve.
Having a pre-thought out plan for the “big” day which includes stock phrases to handle any questions or comments that ordinarily might rattle us really helps us keep our cool and enjoy what is probably a lovely event. I know I get rattled a bit if someone asks “how much did that cost?” My current “trial” phrase is “It’s such a wonderful so-and-so, I’m so happy with it!” (said with a big smile) and then ask them a question about something they are wearing/doing/trying. The other type of comment that makes me feel uncomfortable is something negative about someone else – usually starting with a “Oh, did you hear about …?” It doesn’t matter if it’s about a family member, a neighbor, a TV star or a national leader, I really don’t want to hear some cutting comment or diatribe on Christmas day (or any occasion, now that I think about it.) The Negative-Nellies (people who really want to rehash some negative “news” story about tragedies, injustices and weird scandels) are a bit of a struggle for me. I think I will try the approach, “Oh, how dreadful! Let’s not bring down this lovely moment of celebration by dwelling on that topic right now.” (I have tried saying that I don’t enjoy that type of topic at all but usually get completely “run over” as “nellie” rushes to tell me all about whatever is the most recent (bad) news.)
There are other conversational trials that we all face no matter the event. If we can practice a few stock phrases before the event, we might feel more comfortable while attending and certainly, it is more likely that we will respond in the way that we practiced. If worse comes to worse, I always fall back on the irrefutable “Oh, excuse me, I need to visit the restroom.” as I do a quick fade. (Over several years of using this “fade-device,” the person may think that I have an incurable UTI but that is better than having my holiday joie de vivre bulldozed.)
As far as my own “Conversational Decorum,” I certainly don’t want to be someone else’s nightmare holiday dinner parter! Asking someone about themselves or what they are reading, watching, doing, planning is always a thoughtful way to share a conversation. I use the trick of trying to gather a few pieces of data about at least 3 separate people at an event: their name, their eye color, their favorite hobby and a book (or movie) title that they have recently enjoyed. The purpose of the game is to keep these little pieces of information in my mind so I can relate them as if in a report at the end of the party.
It can make the event more interesting and it also makes me feel a bit like secret agent 007 (Bond, James Bond) as I circulate!
